so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
