erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
