They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Randomize
