i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize