i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
