Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
