That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
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