I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
