he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
You ate ashes out of my bong
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
