the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
