dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
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