we're chasing vodka with high fives
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
