boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
