Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
