I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
