Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
