My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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