I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
