clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
