no, he came in my armpit
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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