we have pet lesbian snakes
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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