would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
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Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
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I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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