Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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