Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Randomize
