the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
