Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
