I never want to see another naked old woman again.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
