I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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