I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
