there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
