Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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