My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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