Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
