The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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