sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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