I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Please don't give away my fajitas
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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