There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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