I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
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