It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
