it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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