We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
