piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
