If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I need to stop coming to work sober
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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