Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
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Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
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I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
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