Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
