help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
