also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
tell me about the fingering
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
