There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
