can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
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Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
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Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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