And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
