her vagine was all disorganized.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
BRING THE BAGELS
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
