grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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