there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
