All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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