i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
