Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
