My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
Your face is a jimmy john
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
