btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
