I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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