I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Randomize
