from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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