I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
