if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
porn star boner night. come get it.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
