oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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