my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
